To Gracen, On Your Fourth Birthday

Dear Gracen,

I want you to know that I adore you. Before I ever knew you, I loved the very idea of you. I wanted a girl more than I wanted air, and darling, you are the most girly girl in the entire world. Before I knew the type of husband I needed, or house I dreamed of, or place I would live- there was you deep in my thoughts and growing in my heart.  I could never quantify the amount I love you, every bit of you- but just know that you are the most important person in the entire world and the only being that loves you as much as we do, is Jesus P. Christ.

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Every year I’ve had this blog I have created a Who You Are List.

This year is no different and so I present to you, The Who You Are At 4 Years Old List.

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You are smart. You sometimes speak in Spanish and I have no idea what you’re saying. You pick things up so quickly that I can’t keep up with you. I used to pretend when we were doing Highlights, that I couldn’t see the hidden picture and now you find them quicker than I do. There will come a point when you’ll notice that your homework is getting to hard for me- we aren’t there yet but I bet you’ll teach me everything I never got the first time around.

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You are demanding. I used to regard this as your worst trait, but as you grow older I often think get em girl. Always know that you know exactly what you want and exactly what you need and you have never settled for an excuse, a probable reason, or a no. You’re like a pit bull when it comes to your demands and it is completely exhausting sometimes. The man you one day marry better meet your impossibly high standards.

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You are a Princess. No, for real,  you are. You wear a crown every. single. day. of. your life. You’ll barrel down the stairs announcing yourself as Cinderella, Tiana, or Princess Gracen. You know EVERYTHING about Princesses and you claim you’ll be moving to a castle any day now. “I hope we can come visit”, I’ll say to you. You always respond “Oh Mommy, you can! But not everyday.” Apparently Princesses have boundaries…

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You are gorgeous. You’re ringlets get you so much attention, you actually ask me to pin your curls “up” so no one pulls on them at school. People are fascinated by your curls, your crown, and your confidence. It’s thin line between knowing you’re pretty and behaving in a pretty way. Know that even the most beautiful girl is instantly ugly, once she says she’s beautiful.

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You are an awesome big sister. You will get up in the mornings with your little brother. You’ll hop in his crib and keep him company until I get to him and then you give me the whole report. He’s wet. He’s hungry. He’s ready to get up Mom! You share every toy, you forgive him when he pulls your hair, and you give him so many hugs and kisses, it warms my heart. You took to big sisterhood like a fish to water- I think it’s because there is finally someone who treats you like the Queen you believe yourself to be. Whatever the reason, you have a maternal trigger that is beautiful, and deep, and natural. You’ll make an awesome Princess Mommy someday.

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You are mature. You’re questions have gotten more complex and your ability to reason and understand other peoples feelings is starting to bud. You talk like you’re 16 and I worry every day what you at 16 will actually be like. *note to self, refer back to this list..

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You are not a quitter. This year you tried your hand at soccer and you hated it! BUT you played every game, you never cried (not even once ), and you never quit. You stayed, you played, you gave it your best. I would have sat on the sidelines and pouted- I’m so glad you are more evolved then me.

You are sensitive and REALLY emotional. We have worked on this one all year- but God knows it’s so hard for you. You will crumble to tears in a heartbeat- but you are getting better at dealing with your emotions. Child of mine, there are days you bring me to my knees. There are also days your emotions can destroy your entire day- you get this from me. If I’m down, I will stay there for at least 24 hours. I can’t guide you out of this because I am also made of this.

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You are musical. You love music, it moves you. You know every pop song, every top 40, and you’ve created so many songs of your own. I watch you preform every day and I really think your song writing skills are getting better as we go.

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You are grateful. If you receive a gift- any gift- it’s the most important gift you’ve ever received. You sleep with it, you write a thank you note. Gratitude will give you perspective as time moves forward. Your ability to recognize that all gifts are because someone thought of you- is a precious trait that not every kid has. Don’t ever loose that.

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You are magical. There is something in your smile. Your hugs. Your kisses. We have to work hard to get cuddles from you- but when we get them they are literally magical. I have to believe you know you have this ability and so you use it sparingly.

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You love your alone time. You can spend hours on end with yourself better than anyone I know. Jude and I need constant company- but you have always been able to play alone for hours. It’s related to your confidence I think. I admire your ability to spend time with yourself.

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You are imaginative. Your imagination is incredible. You create castles out of cardboard and a stage out of our landing. I’m in awe of your creativity.

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You are my best buddy. This year you started watching what you call Mommy TV with me. You’ll snuggle in a blanket with me and together we’ll watch Call The Midwife, Lifetime movies, Pioneer Woman & Ellen. (Also some REALLY tragic reality tv, but let’s review that at another time) It’s my favorite time with you because it’s a very big girl thing to sit with your Mama and say things like “That looks delish!” or “Is she having twins like my twins?” I love our Mommy TV time and I hope you always want to snuggle with me.

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You are important. You are important. You are important.

Your life has purpose. Your life is purposeful. Your life gave my life purpose. The day you were born you affected every living soul on this earth. You represent God and Heaven. You represent every woman in this family that came before you. You represent the connection of every single soul on this Earth. That’s a heavy crown to wear right? It is, but I have a feeling you’ll keep your head up, walk proudly, and represent your purpose with dignity.

I am so proud of you Gracie Girl. You who are bigger than the sun & more abundant than the sky.

Love, Mama

 

 

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