Dear New Baby,

I wish you were already here, but I know there will be a day in the not so distant future where I’ll be up in the middle of the night feeding you and reading over these words. I’ll think to myself- you could wait. It was easier with this kid inside. But truthfully little one ( and future self) it’s not as much fun.

Here is what I know about you. You don’t wake up in the morning without your coffee.  Somewhere after breakfast and during Good Morning America when I have coffee,  you will stretch and roll, kick and claw. You really love coffee with cream….and prefer it hot. No ice.

You knock again around 11am when you start to get hungry for lunch, a short nap, and then by 1pm when I start my work day we’ll say hello again and you don’t let up until around 4pm when you hear your sister start to stir. You are equal parts intrigued and maddened by her. When she cries or screams you jump to one side of my belly and if she is playing with you, you’ll jump to the other. Occasionally you will cuddle up to her. I will say you always always rise to meet her.

By 6 you’re starving and by 9pm you are ready for a dance party. Could I possibly have two children who like the nightlife and love to boogie?

The night time is the right time as far as you’re concerned and though I check out somewhere in the 9pm hour you are up most of the night but particularly at 1am and  between 3-4am and that’s when I join you again. No rest for the weary right? It’s cool I’ve learned your ebb and flow and have decided I get much more work done at 4am then I ever have before.

You’re Father’s voice is a trigger for kicks. My voice seems to lull you into sleep. You have mostly no reaction to music and according to my last midwife appointment you are extremely happy and refuse to move down. Just so you know you’ll be punished upon your arrival should you not come out by your due date. I hate to be tough kid, but it’s hot and your sister transfers 33 lbs of dead weight to my hips every hour or so.

Yesterday I googled “signs of labor” you’ll be happy to know we have them all. Is this who you’ll be? Will you be the child who is so mellow, so calm, so happy to sleep and stretch and eat and sleep some more? Your sister loved music when she lived in my belly. Seriously her first kick was to Pretty Wings by Maxwell and then  Ego, by Beyonce. And you know what? Now she can sing those songs and often does. If that’s the case maybe you are a coffee drinking, laid back, beach kind of kid. I’m cool with that, just don’t make me have to come in there after you okay? I’d hate to disrupt your vibe.

Yesterday was one of those days where I should have stayed in bed. When I heard her awaken before I had even opened my eyes to the dawn of a new day, I should have closed my eyes, put the covers over my head, and pretended someone else was her Mama.

But I didn’t.

Nope. I got up, made her breakfast, and lived in what can only be described as an abusive relationship until the moment when her father walked through the door.

She screamed all morning, threw herself onto the cold gravel parking lot of Target, cried her way through Kohl’s, took a 30 minute nap in the car on the way to my midwives office, and then proceeded to turnout the midwifes office.  I could sense peoples eyes upon me as I (giant 9 month pregnant lady) attempted to hold…no wrestle a pissed off 2.5 year old off of the floor.  I told her that she was scaring the other pregnant women- you could see the horror on their faces…mine will NEVER act like that they thought. I use to think things like that. I literally begged her to shut up and settle down. I told her she was being mean and she snapped back you’re being mean Mommy!!!!!!  She has a point, by 11:00am I was being mean.

I love my daughter beyond words and reason, but yesterday had someone…anyone actually…offered to take her off my hands I would have gladly accepted.   It’s getting ugly people. This baby needs to come, and quickly- before it’s sister takes over completely. I don’t know what it is with 2.5 year olds but out of a 7 day week she will have 2 days that are just awful. It’s in her contract I think? No gold star for her or I yesterday.  This morning is only slightly better. So far she woke up at 5am and just yelled I don’t like you Mommy. Oh darling, I don’t like you either right now. It’s a good thing you’re cute.

In two weeks my Sunshine Girl starts nursery school. I have discussed this decision with my close friends over and over trying to understand if this is actually necessary.  It still seems a bit unnecessary- but I trust that when I am too weak to make the right decision they will push me forward anyway. 

Filling out the nursery school paperwork was nearly impossible for me, as they ask you to describe your child. They literally leave only three lines to complete this task on! I nearly directed them to this blog. Instead I flipped the paper over and wrote until I felt satisfied. Until I emphasised the fact that she’s complicated, and  that we’re complicated,  and that sometimes she doesn’t listen to authority ( or all of the time). I explained her as best I could and then asked (nicely) if I could be called for all volunteer positions- such as craft day.  

I asked Matt to come with me on her first day. I want him to be there sort of for her, but mostly to hold me up. I’m afraid my knees will buckle and I will faint, or worse I will try to walk in with her and take a seat on the circle rug.

The director of the school walked me around ( this was the second time she had to do this for me) and introduced me to her teacher ( again our second meeting) and she even let us sit in on a music class…excuse me Sunny’s music class. I will say in the few minutes we were there they taught Sunny more than I have this whole week.I can’t imagine how that’s possible seeing as how she is a critic of  brilliant tv including Bridezillas and My Big Fat American Wedding- that’s what we watched this morning. I’m fairly certain they don’t host a tv composition class at that nursery school- maybe I can teach that to the kids?  The point is not that I’m loosing my tv buddy. the point is that she’s mine. I know she’ll be so happy to start school and be on her own, but letting go is not really my thing.

She’s my thing. You’re my thing kid.

Dear Sunny,

We are getting down to the wire, pretty soon we’ll go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. It’s amazing that in just under a year, a decision Daddy and I made to expand our hearts will soon heavily affect you.

The rest of your life when someone asks you how many brothers and/or sisters you have, you will answer 1. You’ll say his/her name and that one name, that one single person, will have been with you your entire life. S/he will share your childhood, get into trouble with you, take the fall for you, blame you, hit you, love you, hurt you, rescue you.

I remember when Uncle Chris and I became friends. I was in college and he was in high school and it took that long for me to get just how cool he actually was/is.  And now, we live a mile apart and we see him every weekend, and he got married to the most wonderful man ( who sometimes I favor) and they’re  a huge part of your life, and I am so grateful, and if they ever leave the Garden State we will chase them with pitch forks, hunt them down, and force them into a small cage in our basement. Now if that’s not love I don’t know what is.

But for now, when your sibling comes home, you will wonder why we tried to improve upon the perfection that is you.

I can relate. The day Christopher came home from the hospital I can remember eating cheetos, starring down at my Mommy and thinking- that’s it? This is what you’ve been so excited for? In my defense he was wrinkly and smelly. And while I was busy being horrible to him, he adored me. He followed me around, laughed at my silly jokes,  played with my friends, and… I was awful to him. But at night when I would get scarred I’d make my way to his bedroom and sleep in his bed till morning. And when he moved to NY and  lived in Williamsburg, I found myself hiding in his bed again- this time watching bad reality tv and eatting chinesse food until he (not me) had plans to go out.

Anyway, here’s what you need to know for now. We didn’t get a new baby because we thought you weren’t enough- in fact you’re more than enough. You are beautiful and funny and smart and chatty. You are silly and cute and horrible sometimes. You are fast and steady, warm and loving. In short you are more than we could have ever hoped for. In fact you are so amazing that we wanted more of  you and for you. We wanted another chance to feel all of this love again. We wanted to improve upon our view of the world and expand yours as well. We wanted another precious spirit who will teach us all to be more of ourselves.  You are a little piece of wonderful, a tiny piece of heaven and so is your sibling.

You’ll have to trust me, for a little while, it’s going to be ugly around here. You’re going to hate all of us and act out in ways that I can only imagine…or so I’m told. But here’s what’s great,  you will learn to let go of selfishness and let in love because of this new little baby. Ask anyone whose ever gotten a sibling, it’s the greatest gift you ever will be given even if it’s the hardest gift to accept.

One day you’ll thank us….it won’t be 6 weeks from now, but maybe 16 years from now….just trust me.

Love, Mama

***Opps! Forgot to post this one from Memorial Day Weekend….****

It was a hectic holiday weekend. We boxed, repaired, and painted.

Sunny helped.

It’s likely inappropriate to post a photo of your childs’ rear end- but  she has my favorite little tushy butt.

It took 5 movers, one husband, one 2 year old, one super duper awesome Mama (my mama), one creative brother, one amazingly kind and sweet and patient brother-in-law ( who took Sunny swimming for the day), and a giant 8 months pregnant lady ( that’s me), but we’re moved.

We’re moved. We’re moved in. We’re thrilled. We’re in love. We’re grateful.

I promise a longer post with pictures, but for now here’s the update. Sunny has fallen down the stairs twice. We make her wear a helmet now- this is what she thought of that idea.

We purchased our first lawnmower! I’m pretty sure that makes us true blue suburbanites. How long do you think it will be before we hire a lawn company?

My Mom left yesterday- I’m not sure why she left. I, we, begged her to stay. We like to call her Alice and watch as she unpacked us, fed us, cleaned everything we own. Sunny doesn’t understand where Nana has gone. Explaining it over and over is not helping my mental state. Truth be told I think she needed a break from us, all of us, but she’ll be back in a few weeks for the birth of baby #2, so enjoy your time off  Alice.

As far as me- I’m gi-normous and tired. But the push to get work completed, babies rooms painted, and home life settled is feeding me an endless stream of energy.

And yes, this is my 8 month pic in the bathroom at Ikea. I’m very classy. VERY classy.

We’re over the moon, we’re walking on clouds grass. Actual grass. The kind they grow non-contaminated soil. But the best part is whenever I run an erron I can see the NYC skyline  just over the trees- a small reminder that we’re still and always will be from New York, concrete juggle where dreams are made of, there’s nothing you can’t do…..

Weekend update to come….