Have you ever taken your baby to lunch?

Yesterday Sunny and I had to get out of the house for a few hours, in order to let our cleaning lady clean. Now, typing that last sentence makes me feel a little 5 year oldish- I should clarify until yesterday our cleaning lady was and remains ME- however I decided that since Nana is coming for a visit tomorrow and work is nuts, a professional is necessary. So I hired our babysitter Miss Aleda to clean our home. Yes, you read that correctly. She also moonlights as my hairdressers assistant- more on that later….

Sunshine and I went to the playground, but its like 10 degrees here so we went to lunch at a dinner in Bay Ridge to pass the time.

I have to say sitting there with my girl was such a treat. She suddenly looks 10 years old.

We had an omelet, french fries, and a pancake. Standard dinner food. But there was something about sitting there, listening to her “sing”, dance, and play HEAD SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES about 100 times.I wish I had a reality show so that someone else could film all of our moments together. I would look back fondly when I’m 100 years old confined to a wheelchair and remember that I took my favorite girl to lunch that one day. She made everyone smile- she threw eggs at the man next to us, and begged two girls for a sip of their milkshakes. “Peas….PEAS!” ( I had to pull her away from their table.)  I think we’ll do it again, it will be our  extra special time together.

In case you forgot what my husband looks like- see pics above Could she look less like me? Anyway…when you are home your child you have the gift of watching them grow up and do cool stuff everyday- but you also have your work, their schedule, and your battles. You miss things, like small things,  like the sound of their little voice or what it feels like to enjoy a meal without getting up 150 times.

So my conclusion- cleaning ladies are awesome- even if they accidentally use furniture polish on your floors instead of the lavender Meyers cleaning aid you intentionally bought from Lowes over the weekends so that your floors would smell like heaven. And now every time you take a step you slip and have to catch yourself on the table top or oven handle.  Yep- awesome.

You guys she’s obsessed with sitting in her chair by herself….with a drink or food.

I mean really Gracie, take a load off! I’ll clean up by myself and make your dinner and bathe you later…

Kindly ignore the tears and snot in this photo…

And because God is good all the time and grew Sunshine some more hair, I tried a pony tail! (yes we’ve been over this, it’s not long enough but whatever! What good is having a girl if you can’t play with her hair?)

She’s like, “Really Mommy? I look crazy! Please stop and maybe do something with your gross hair!”

Since having this child I no longer look in mirrors. I have baby soft skin, fabulous curls, big clear brown eyes, and perfectly lined lips! I’m STUNNING!!!!!!!!! Oh wait…that’s my daughter. There is a reason you never see my face on this blog, but I gave birth to this cutie pie so I take full credit for her adorable face

Just when you think the demons have taken over, angels returned my sweet sunshine girl. Thank You Jesus!

To celebrate we went outside and enjoyed the first few days of spring.

We tried Dr.Karps’ Happiest Toddler On The Block DVD in an attempt to restore sanity, however Dr. Karp has never met Stormy Sunny and after two days of me on the floor acting out Sunny’s emotions I gave up.  I don’t know what works for everyone, but I can speak to what works for me and when she throws her tantrums I place her on her play mat ( so she doesn’t crack her skull open ) and I leave her there to scream, kick, and cry. I walk away and ignore her for 1-2 minutes until she calms down. When she’s done she gets up ( still whining) and comes to me, that’s when I give her a hug and kiss and tell her I love her but in this house we don’t “do” tantrums. I’m not sure how much she really understands at this point, nor do I know if my punishments are hurting her emotionally- but what I do know is that she has only thrown 2 tantrums since our first time out and I’m happier knowing she is at least starting to acknowledge that I am the boss in this house, not her.

So yep, as it turns out I’m a little old school- and I’m kind of liking that about me. I actually caught myself saying “If you throw that toy again we will leave” while we were at Mommy and Me yoga yesterday. Again, she doesn’t understand my words but I think she knows my tone-  she looked at me and I looked at her and we called a truce in the middle of downward facing dog.

It’s hard to explain but when she acts crazy I honestly worry that all this time she’s been this sweet angel of a child and then all of a sudden she becomes this kid that I don’t recognize and every single time I think, OMG maybe she’s a brat! Maybe her sweet sweet personality was all a front….can babies outgrow their sweetness? The answer is no, they are all perfect just as God made them- but teething and growing and talking stretches their limits and shifts our solid ground and we all have to readjust as she grows up.

I’m learning people- I .Am. Learning.

The other night I wrote an email to Matt that I’m sure he wishes I had not sent.

It went something like: Come get this BLEEPING child before I kill my BLEEPING self.

I tell y’all the good, and so I must tell y’all the bad. Sometimes life and motherhood and work and home all get to be too much- and that’s when I loose my BLEEP.

God I love this child, how I love this child- which is why it is so confusing when she scratches my face with frustration or screams at the top of her lungs, or throws herself onto the floor head first, or bangs her eyeball into the sharp corner of her crib, or bucks her way out of the bathtub. And why, why Dear Lord, does she choose to do all of these things in one night, when her Father is not home, and I am working with one last nerve.

Stormy Sunny is back- and she is worse than EVER. Two new molars means tantrums and fits. But my 15 month old does not just scream she yells- NOOOOOOO, NOOOO WAAAYYYYY, NOOO WAAAYYY MAAAAMMMMMAAAAAAA! She yells in public places, throws fits on the park floor, causes me to turn my back on her and walk away. Yes- I walk away- would you claim the screaming child on the park play ground?

This is what it is, motherhood.

It is equal parts love and mirrors. I do my best to stop my child from hurting herself but she is small and curious and smart and can not be stopped. She tests the limits, breaks my boundries, and insist that she knows better than I. I watch her (fearless) and I know me (full of fears)  and I see us battle day in and day out. I pull her toward me, she pushes away from me, and then we fight in public at the park. This is what it is- me letting her make mistakes, getting her feelings hurt, falling down a concrete stair; her learning, feeling,  getting back up and trying that concrete stair again. In her I see me, in me she only see’s her Mama- someone who loves her and cares for her and feeds her but is not her- and this will be our relationship now and forever more. Me seeing me and her seeing her and us fighting against it all.

Love and Mirrors, Mommy and Gracie, Storms and Sunshine. This is what it is.

She’s teething and sad and crying and not in the mood for a photo shoot.

Well we got one smile! And while we’re here lets look back 12 months ago…

The photo on my Facebook page is Sunny at 13 months. I keep having to remind myself that that was over 2 months ago now.  It’s a little hard to let go, but God gives us time. 31 days go by  with  story times, dance parties, trips to the museum, play dates with friends, tons of berries to eat, and new words said.  31 days pass and she is 31 days bigger, brighter, somehow more brilliant. I get 31 days each month to smooth her curls, kiss her cheeks, chase her around the living room, and show her bits and pieces of this wide wide world.

Lately she’s been telling me “Mama NO WAY!!!” with such force and attitude that I stop whatever it is I’m doing. She recognizes her friends and screams with joy when she sees them. She learned somewhere in the last 31 days how to express excitement and love toward people she loves. This is not a religious blog, but I sometimes have to marvel at the gift I’ve been given. There is no happy bigger then this happy, this house, this family, this girl.

Happy 15 month birthday to my Sunshine girl, with your Billy Crystal curls

I’m very sorry for the lack of posting. Here at Little Love Stories there is me and me and oh yeah, me. So when I do not post I promise its not personal- it is simply a lack of balance in my life.

This weekend my husband caught up on the blog and made horrible sounds and faces as he pointed out that I have at least 10 misspellings and run on sentences and terrible grammar in every single post.

He’s all…..“Oh.” “Oh no! They’re not their!!!!” “Maybe… you know what I don’t have the time but I can try to make time to spell check these before they go up on the web?”

I tried not to get annoyed because the man can’t help that he’s brilliant and he married me- but I reassured him that my readers read in my voice/tone and they don’t really care, and they know what I mean, and they know my intentions.

Then Sunshine woke up with the chickens this morning and Matt was still here and he mentioned that its a bit disappointing when I don’t post during the day, blah blah blah. And I’m all “Oh so sorry- I was busy working, editing, cleaning, cooking, and raising our child. When did you start reading it anyway????” But he does, and he’s reading this and he’s counting my mistakes- but he’s smart and will say nothing upon arriving home.

ANYWAY moving on. This weekend we ate at Spumoni Gardens, this delicious pizzeria on Coney Island http://www.spumonigardens.com

Sunny dines in her pajamas

Have you been there? If ever you are in the Coney Island area I absolutely want you to take the time to eat at this place, it’s fantastic. We want to go back with Mother Dear and her enormous Italian family- because everyone there had about 10 people (all family) at one table and they were kissing each other on the cheeks and commenting on how big the baby got and fighting over baked clams. Made me miss Mother Dears’ Family- who has raised me since the age of 17 when I moved to New York.

Speaking of Mother Dear, she and  Goose came over for a visit Saturday night. Goose is 2 going on 16. It’s weird to have a conversation with her where she uses the words annoying and trembling in a sentence. YES 2.5!!!! It’s not surprising her mother is literally a genius- she and Matt talk about smart people things and I nod my head like I have any clue what they’re talking about.

We also went to Matt’s soccer game this weekend and Sunny is SOOOO into sports that she choose to read a book as her Da-Da ran around the field. I don’t get the sport either Sunny.

And just when you were thinking what smart girl! The book- you might notice is upside down…I’m sorry  Mama it turns out she is more me then Matt.

In other news my friend Susan ( who is pregnant and due in August) called late last week to annoyance that she is having a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not actually sure if I was supposed to annoyance that on my blog- but she should know by now that you can’t share that kind of info and expect me to keep my mouth shut!

THIS IS ME AT 7 MONTHS PREGGY: COW SAYS MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Susie always wanted a boy- she would take all boys if the good Lord would give them to her. She is really PC ( well not really but you know how preggy people hate to show any preference and instead say things like healthy & happy!) so she won’t admit that we’ve had conversations where she expressed a desire for a boy and I expressed a desire for a girl and-look people dreams really do come true! I’m very excited for her little stinky baby boy! And I would like to take this time to publicly thank her for finding out the sex of her fetus, I’m not good with surprises and she knows this and she will be receiving gifts from me in exchange for her finding out the sex of her child. If you are a friend of mine who is waiting to be surprised- I hope this does not hurt your feelings but I told you when you decided to be surprised that I was against that choice so….here we are. This is awkward.

That’s all I’ve got for this morning. I’m on two deadlines and Sunshine and I are headed to the Brooklyn Children’s Museum for some indoor fun with our friends this morning. Have a great TUESDAY!

Okay so once you view the photos you’ll know I’m off by about 2 months- but last night while sitting on a conference call I started flipping through photos and I found these…

It occurred to me that my baby isn’t such a baby anymore.

I can remember being there, at the zoo- holding her and thinking she is so big! I remember seeing smaller infants thinking “they’re so new, and you’re so big.” I remember even feeling a little nostalgic for the infant phase at that time.

These pics just got me to thinking how time really does fly. Now she walks and talks and dances. She rules the house, says NOOOOOO!!! and often shakes her little finger at me. But she also runs to me- flying into my arms for big deep hugs and kisses, she knows empathy and shows kindness, smiles at strangers, and today  she kicked a ball, sorted deodorants, and pooped on the floor.

She is busy. She is terrible (sometimes). She is this thinking being full of light and heaven and mystery. I’m in love with my baby- my special special baby. I can’t remember every minute we’ve spent together- but I remember the way she makes me feel every single day- like my very best self showed up at 4:30 this morning and welcomed her to a new day…even though in truth, I was groggy, cranky, and exhausted.

I remember whispering “Good Morning Sunshine, Mommy missed you.”

This time next year I won’t be able to remember her as she is right now. She’ll be everything she is now, but bigger, stronger, and brighter. That’s the great irony of Motherhood I think- it forces you to stay in the moment so you have to capture every single moment, commit them to memory. You have to because they keep growing and doing and moving and then you can’t remember what they use to be- you just see them as they are. I’m so grateful to be able to say that I haven’t missed a moment.

Happy Friday Friends- we’ll be busy capturing the now, for later.

Did you watch? Lifetime has a new show called Coming Home and if you haven’t seen it- I’m asking that you do, you can watch it on demand- it’s heart warming.

When Matt comes home at night Sunny hears his keys jingle first, then the door chimes. She sucks in her breath and whispers “Da-Da.”

When he was away in Europe and called to say hello it prompted a full meltdown, complete with screaming, kicking, and eventually led to a short rest period in her crib- she couldn’t handle hearing him but not seeing him. Her Da-Da comes home night after night and still the effect of not seeing him for the majority of the day has a surprising effect on our 1 year old.

That’s why when I watched Coming Home I feel my heart sink for the children whose Dad’s are busy defending our freedoms. I feel gratitude toward them, and empathy for the families who go day after day without certain members of their family. Their sacrifice  certainly does not gain enough attention or respect.  I sat there with tears streaming;  I am reduced to tears watching a 7 year old talk about his love of his Da-Da and maybe more heart warming a high school senior balling his eyes out upon seeing his Da-Da. I’m sure as the series goes on we will see Mama’s that have gone to serve this country leaving their little ones home, to protect and serve others. I will tell you right now I am not made of army material. I could not EVER leave my Sunshine, nor do without my husband for  a full year. These are strong people, people. I see those ads on tv where they say “talk to your kids about their decision to join the army” and my first instinct is to turn the channel. Noble, amazing, strong, better than me- every single military family! That conversation would result with me in a hospital with the vapors…I’m not made of what our troops are which is why I am so grateful to every single one of them AND their amazing families.

In other news- have you guys seen this website? Go here: www.stumbleupon.com

Okay so on this site you can search or stumble upon anything that makes you happy. You like food blogs? Little Love Stories? Funny videos? Quotes? Martha Stuart? Stumble upon will first ask you to tell them your interest- then you start to stumble! It will give you site after site after site- I warn you it’s pretty addictive. I’m like stumble crazy- I stumble, press the “like” button, and then keep stumbling. In truth I’m not even sure I like the sites I told stumble I like- because the idea is that you stop stumbling and explore new websites- but I like to just sit there are see what Stumble Upon comes up with! Anyway we’re on there and you should be too- just because its fun, its not facebook, and you might learn something….or you can just stumble stumble stumble- like me. You can fllow friends that stumble- but I tried and I only have 1 friend out of 400 that stum ble- so I have no one to follow and see what they like to “stumble upon.” So get on there and stumble and then I’ll get to see what you like and you get to see what I like…ahhhh I feel like our relationship has really gotten serious you guys- I like going steady with you

My baby has become obsessed with stacking. Shoes on top of the trash can, chairs on top of her toys, stuffed animals, Lego’s, blocks, books- you name it she’s stacking it.

It’s modern art. She might just be an artist after all; you’ll be seeing her work at the Whitney here in New York.  I’ll wear a pretty red dress, sip champagne, and laugh at her artistic friends jokes. Which reminds me I should really start reading more…Well it’s either that or she’ll be working at the container store.

Do you like her hat? Her Da-Da brought it home from Spain, and I think she looks pretty darn cute! Please note that this will be our last photo in the gray star onesie as it is officially way to small. Last night I saw a commercial featuring Sasquatch and I broke into tears. I can’t believe I call my child that hairy beast!!!! She’s not hairy ( at all) she’s just really REALLY tall!

This morning I’m drinking lots of coffee and Sunny is watching Sesame Street. This NEVER happens in this house but I have lots of work to get done and not enough hours in this here day. I turned the tv onto Sesame Street and she nearly fainted. Now she’s waving her hands around screaming Mama! Mama!  Sometimes I wonder if she would be better off with a trained Monkey to entertain her all day? She probably would be nicer to the monkey.

In other news yesterday I accidentally allowed Sunny to drink 409 cleaner. Don’t judge me, it was in the name of art! She was cleaning out the back bathroom- bringing bottles of shampoo and such back and forth while I was starting dinner. Then I heard this awful cough and I ran into the bathroom yelled for her to come to me, only to sniff her breath and smell the cleaner. She also had the 409 bottle in her hand- so that was kind of a dead giveaway. I washed her mouth out and emailed my preggy friend to get her advice. She was sweet and assured me that Sunny would be fine- looking back I’m not sure why I emailed her. At best she went home and told her husband that they should really look to seek custody of Sunshine.

Last night was tough too. For the first time EVER in the history of the world my husband asked me if I would consider moving some place outside of New York City. Now, you people read this blog so you already  know that normally that suggestion should make me happy. But it oddly made me lash out in rage. “How could we move out of NYC are you insane????” Then I proceeded to take to the bed and day dream about leaving NYC. Here’s the issue I can’t see “us” anywhere but here. Who is Sunny if she’s not a NYC gal?  Then we both names our top three chooses and mine included New Jersey and Connecticut and his were Ohio and….I can’t remember the other because I sopped listening to him.  Anyway the conversation took an ugly turn when I suggested we move to Miami and Matt walked away from me. I’m not sure why he left- if I could move anywhere I would move to Miami! Apparently he wouldn’t. I can’t explain it but this place, this dirty, crowded, rude , expensive city has a hold on my heart. We could live anywhere and I think we’d find our way back here.- isn’t that sad? It’s sort of like being in love with a man who doesn’t love you back.  But as I tell all my single ladies….IF YOU CAN’T BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE HONEY- LOVE THE ONE YOU WITH!

That’s it, that’s all I got today kids.

Happy Friday kids!

A few announcements, Sunny’s hair is CURLY! She sort of has a love/hate relationship with her curls…we’re working on that.

Moving on….Matt’s birthday passed while he was away touring Europe, so Sunny and I decided that last night was a good time to celebrate!

You can’t have a birthday party without a cake! Sunny got right to work as Mama’s Little Helper ( usually I reserve that title for my wine, but I’ll share it with my daughter for today)

When the cake pans went into the oven Sunny started her work on cleaning out my refrigerator.

For the record, I have many moments in a day where I’m thinking…should I let her pull beer bottles out of the fridge? Should I give her the wire mixer handle to suck raw egg product off of? Should she really walk around the house nude, peeing on my cream rug? But then I get distracted, return an email, send off a QT to a client, and move on…

Do you see the Billy Crystal hair in the pic above? Oh Sunshine, how you warm my heart.

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