Sunny and I had a fight. Not a big fight, but our first fight.
This week has been especially busy for me. New clients, more work, and less nap time is a difficult combination for any work-from-home Mother. Couple all of that with the gross weather we’re experiencing and you have a recipe for disaster.
Yesterday my work mixed with freezing rain kept Sunshine and I in the house the entire day. Somewhere around 1 pm I started texting Nora for support and guidance, by 4 pm Sunny started screaming for her Da-Da because frankly I had run out of games, books, and tricks.
The fight happened so quickly and fiercely that I think I’ve seriously blocked it out you guys, it was so upsetting to me that I’m not even sure I can give you an accurate description of what happened but I will try.
So there I am holding Sunny on my lap, watching Ms.Oprah, when all of a sudden she slaps me across the face, not once but twice. ( As her Mother I feel the need to interrupt this story to say she really is a wonderful little human being and it should be noted that she’s not the slap happy kind, but I digress). I grabbed her hands and very firmly said “No! NO! You do NOT hit Mommy!” before I knew it her little mouth went into a full pout and her big brown eyes filled with tears, one tear, two tear, and then….water works. We’re talking full-on screaming and crying. She pulled her hands away from my grip and raised it like she might hit again, so I said again, “Do not hit Mama! We don’t hit.” She wiggled out of my lap, choosing instead to seek comfort on the rug and away from me after which I started crying. I let her sulk for a little while and thought to myself- pull it together you are the adult she is the child! Eventually she stood up grabbing on to my pants and burying her little face in my lap. I scooped her up for a hug and told her “It’s nice to give hugs and kisses. Give Mommy a kiss?” She started screaming louder and refused. I went into the kitchen and poured a glass of wine, text Matt an SOS, and laid Sunny down for her evening nap.
I needed a time out, and so did Sunny. We needed time a part from each other. *** You will never know how hard it was for me to just type that last line. It’s almost like typing we are not the same person- which of course is not true- we are TOTALLY the same person! Right?
When Da-Da got home and we had dinner together she still was not really speaking to me. She denied my advances for a hug, refused to give me a kiss, and would only say Da-Da- which is a REAL slap in the face because she ALWAYS ask for Mama no matter what!
This, I thought, THIS is what girls do. She ignored me, she hurt me to my core. She will do this to me now and when she’s 13 and 16 and 18. She is demanding in the most subtle of ways. She needs 100% of my attention always and when I don’t comply she goes for my heart…she’s a little woman, a short dictator, a mini me.
After dinner Matt presented me with a gift of a single chocolate cupcake, he brought home form one of my favorite bakeries in the city. I sat Sunny in her high chair and split the cupcake in two. Half for me and half for her. ***This was not a bribe by the way! I’m a sharing, caring, loving Mother and I just so happened to be given cake, which may or may not be my daughters favorite food.******
I think you can see how well that turned out.
By bath time she was singing my praises. This morning she is still on strike from hugs and kisses- but I stole a few anyway.
I can’t help but think of the tv show PARENTHOOD- we love that show for a zillion million reasons and pause it often to discuss what we would do if we were the Braverman Family. The thing is even though she’s pissed at me, I had to yell at her. I had to tell her no, watch her cry, and let my feelings get hurt. I can not have a kid who hits, or rather I can not have a kid who thinks its okay to hit.
Sigh…this is all a great balancing act. Yesterday I fell off of the uneven bars.